7 Months

Cillian turned 7 months old on Monday! I was going to do a separate post for the surgery but it really belongs in this post. Why? Well, the surgery happened on Valentine's Day which was the 14th - we're in recovery still and today, I'm typing this on the 28th of February. The surgery was a very big life event and it honestly has defined month 6 to 7 for Cillian and for our whole family.

Before I talk about the surgery and how it's impacted Cillian's life I'm going to talk about the other things that Cillian accomplished or experienced this month!

So, Cillian has now gone from his tummy to back and back to tummy but with no regularity or consistency. It's like he did it to do it and then that was it :) His favorite position is all the way on his side - just laying down on his side - sometimes he'll be completely rolled over except his head. He is so funny like that. Just chilling. I put him on his stomach on my stomach and he's beginning to do little push-ups on me - I just vary the angle at which I sit to give him a harder or easier go at it :) It's working so that's great. I read that somewhere - I don't remember where. It's a great idea because it lets you help the little one build up strength - kind of like not really push-ups to help you get to the full ones.

Cillian has been eating all sorts of solid foods and he is just so cute when he eats. He has had:

Apples

Bananas

Pears

Mango

Peaches

Prunes

Avocado

Sweet Potato

Carrot

Butternut Squash

Peas

Green Beans

Butternut Squash-Apple Combo

He is a great eater and a pretty adventurous one too. The butternut squash-apple came from Annabel Karmel's babyfood cookbook. It is fantastic. I'm going to be prepping the vegetable medley tonight - parsnips, carrots and potatoes, and then a zucchini-potato combo too.

Cillian is still in size 2 diapers and still in 6 month clothing.

So, the surgery. We found out that Cillian was going to have surgery on January 25th. We didn't know when he was going to have it, but I found out on that day that it was a sure thing. We had an appointment with Dr. Z the previous week and she said that she thought we should do it but that she wasn't going to do it. She said she knew when she needed to step back and let someone else do it. So she left our appointment for a bit and put some calls into the children's hospital and came back and said that her friend Dr. R was going to see us and possibly do the surgery. She wanted his opinion and for us to hear a second opinion. Just as a side note here, it's wonderful to have good doctors. I am so grateful to both of them.

As soon as we got in the car to ride home, the children's hospital called to make the appointment. Dr. Z used to be the head of the hospital. We went to our appointment and it was very evident that numerous strings had been pulled to get us in. While I sat there in the examination room with Cillian on my lap and James in the seat next to us eating his goldfish, it was hard not to cry. I didn't cry by the way; I waited until I got home and both boys were asleep.

Each nurse that came in said, "Whoa that's severe. Wow." "Hmmmmm so how long has he been like this?" "So, the eye lids just stopped here huh?" etc - I told my Mom that it was like every mental and emotional defense I had built from my own insecurities were just blown through - it was just me sitting there, with my tiny little son on my lap, and my older son sitting so quietly looking for reassurance. Cillian was crying a lot because they had to examine his eyes over and over again. By the time Dr. R got in there I think we had all reached our limits. From start to finish we were there for 3 hours. Dr. R had to give Cillian another examination and this time he really screamed and James got up from his seat and yelled crying, "Don't hurt my brother!" I had to swallow the tears back and calm James down.

Dr. R was so understanding of James' feelings. He was really just very patient. Then he started talking to me about the surgery. There was never a maybe let's do this. It was very much - the surgery will be scheduled within weeks. His ptosis was severe. It was bilateral. Dr. R's words still ring in my ears very clearly, "He will not sit up with out this surgery." I knew that deep down. It doesn't mean that it wasn't hard to hear though.

So, surgery was scheduled for Valentine's Day. My Mom was able to come into town to be with us to help us with the recovery. She came in the night before and was able to stay with James while Doug and I were at the hospital. However, this was not the original plan. Doug was going to take James to school for his Valentine's party - but not to be outdone by Cillian, James was diagnosed with a double ear infection the same day of Cillian's surgery. A double ear infection. They both were given the same antibiotics. I mean at this point, laughter was really the only option.

So, we went in for surgery on Thursday morning. Cillian was in surgery for over 3 hours. I cannot express to you the feelings experienced when we saw Dr. R come out in his scrubs with a smile on his face. We walked back to see Cillian and just thinking about it now, I can still see him lying in his little plastic crib with all the cords and IVs - soundly sleeping. The nurse said he cried when he came to but then went back to sleep. I felt so much better when I saw him and I know Doug did too. He was bandaged completely on both eyes so he'd be without sight until Dr. R took them off the next day at 11:30.

It was a very important experience on Thursday post surgery coming home with a child who couldn't see and wouldn't be able to see until the next day. He smelled me and would reach out for my face and grab my shirt and just wanted to be snuggled in as close as possible. He would wake up to eat and then go back to sleep. He cried a lot at the beginning but then as the day continued and through the night, he seemed more assured. I slept in his room that night right in the recliner. I told Doug and my Mom that I think I slept so well when he slept because I was literally right there. I could hear him breathing and anytime he woke up, I was literally right there to get him. Doug listened in on the monitor and I would just quietly call him and he would bring in the bottle and then go back to bed. It was great team work :) Very lucky to have such a great husband.

Friday came and we left to go get his bandages off - I peeled the tape off his head and hair because the nurse was too scared because he was so little. Their patients are usually older. But again, because he was such a severe case and because it was bilateral - he qualified as a candidate. After I took the tape off, Dr. R removed the coverings and HE COULD SEE! You should have seen him!

I wish I could tell you - it was like looking at a newborn taking in the world. He was talking up a storm while looking around - he just looked at everything everywhere. He looked at Dr. R and babbled and Dr. R said, "I would like to think that those are kind words." And we all laughed. Dr. R and his assistant were talking to us about care and then he just stopped and laughed and said, "He is just TOO cute right now - I mean look at him!" And we all laughed again.

Recovery has been day by day. Cillian, as of today, still cannot close his eyes. He cannot blink. He sleeps with his eyes open. However, he is exactly where he needs to be in his recovery and for that, I mean, I just cannot even begin to describe the gratitude we feel. We did not get this far alone. So many people prayed for Cillian. So so so many. I am such a believer in prayer and I am so grateful to each and every one of you who send us your love and your hope and your faith. Having Cillian's eyes in the hands of great surgeons and being able to know that so many people are praying for your son is amazing. I am so thankful.

Within days of his eyes being open, Cillian has been grabbing things, his eye hand coordination is off the charts and he is just a smiling machine. I mean I can't even tell you what it's like to walk into his room in the early early morning (4am - that's for another post) and when he just sees me and smiles, I forget what time it is and just scoop him up and cuddle him.

Here are a few shots of our 7 month old. Happy 7 Months sweet Cillian! We love you so!

First Polo

Auntie E took this great shot - love my boys so much

afternoon playing

Cillian with the bandages Friday morning

 

 

Cillian eating on Sunday post surgery

He's wearing arm guards so he won't be able to bend his arms and pull at his eyes - or worse, get food in there.

Hello

Snuggling with Dad

Giving Doug a kiss

 

RIght before surgery

First time we saw him post surgery

First time I could hold him

Cillian can see! Friday 2/15

His eye-hand coordination is very good - took that right out of my hands

Feeding himself today :)

Love you all!