Today was that time. Cillian and I were going to travel to the land beyond O'Hare. Almost to Aurora. Yes, the Aurora made famous by Wayne's World. I was so nervous. Dr. A was very nice, extremely intelligent and just the kind of guy on board for this type of surgery. The appointment was extremely intense and at one point, I made myself believe he was talking about another child so I wouldn't burst into tears. The different possibilities were very frightening and graphically explained.
After the appointment, I sat down to give Cillian a snack - he was still in his stroller and I sat on the curb. I thought I was going to vomit. After he ate, I put him in the car and sat in idle with the air on so he'd fall asleep (it was 2pm) and I could call Doug.
I sobbed to Doug on the phone. I told him what we talked about. I thought Doug was going to cry.
I called my Mom and cried again. She cried.
I couldn't call anyone else. So I asked her to call my Dad and brother. Doug would call his parents.
I wrote this email that night to my family.
Today Cillian and I met Dr. A. You can google him - I did. He's the best. He is so so smart and I feel very lucky that it is in his hands Cillian will be on Thursday. There are a number of graphic details involved in this email. If you are not comfortable reading, please stop here.
On Thursday they will find out if they will be doing a simple procedure or a more involved one and will not know until surgery begins. In either surgical scenario, the cyst will be removed along with any diseased or unhealthy brain tissue and sent to pathology for testing (for malignancy). In either scenario, no healthy brain tissue will be touched. There is a precedent to avoid the brain at all costs. Dr. A told me that his primary purpose in every surgery is to protect the brain.
Both surgeons will be there Dr. R (ENT) will open Cillian's nose at the site of the pimple and the doctors will follow the path of the drain. If Dr. A can remove the cyst completely from this opening in the nose, that will be the end of it - they'll remove it and Cillian will be stitched up and will most likely be able to come home. If Dr. A cannot remove the cyst from the nasal opening, because of the size or location of the cyst, he will have to open up the area another way. Like a headband, the opening will go from one side of the head to the other and then forehead will come down. They will then rebuild the skull and suture any tissue that needs it. If this is the surgery, then Cillian will stay over night and I will stay with him.
There are risks involved with this surgery - meningitis, bleeding, swelling, loss of cognitive ability and a damage to or complete loss of sense of smell. None of these are absolute results but just risks - most of them relatively minimal in nature. It just depends on what happens on Thursday.
Today after I called Doug to tell him, Doug asked his HR guy if he could take Friday off too given the appointment today and they sent him home to us early; they told him to go home. We fed the kids and right now they're playing outside getting ready for bath. Doug and I are treating ourselves to a nice late dinner with a couple of beers. We're taking the night to digest all of this.
Again, we remain hopeful that the surgery will be straightforward and that the cyst will be benign. And most importantly that we can all be together on Thursday night at home.
We are so lucky to have each and every one of you - you have no idea what all of this has meant to me. Thank you for every prayer, hope, and promise you've given to us and most of all, thank you for being our pillars of strength. Please wear your Rally Caps on 7/10/14.
With all of our love and gratitude,
Meg, Doug, James and of course, Mr. Cillian Jospeh
No comments:
Post a Comment