Goodbye Condo

Right before Cillian's birthday, we put the condo on the market. The floors had been refinished, the condo repainted and all of our stuff was out of there. Ready to go - blank canvas for anyone coming in for a peek. Right before Doug's birthday, we got an offer. It took another month and a half for the buyers to get all their ducks in a row as they say - closing was finally going to be September 16th. Doug said he wanted to go by after work to say goodbye and thought I should probably do the same over the weekend. So he went down and then I went on Saturday and he'd stay home with the boys. The last time the boys were there at the condo they didn't really have a good time. Doug and I thought it would be best if we didn't reintroduce the condo to them and just keep them happy and blissfully ignorant of anything going on.

So on Saturday I drove down to drop off all of our keys, the key fobs, the garage door openers, the mail keys and the storage room keys. I went up to the condo and arranged them on the kitchen bar like this.

Then I just kind of started walking around. I looked out the windows and saw the lake filled with boats, the beach filled with people, the fireboats that James loved so much and of course, Navy Pier, Lake Point Tower and Lake Shore Drive. I listened to the traffic, the horns, the sirens, and the buzz from the highway. I walked around our main room and just kind of took every memory floating for what it was. We left this condo in the summer of 2005 engaged and came back married. I got my master's degree in 2006 and my doctorate in 2010 - wrote both papers in the study. We brought home our first baby boy in 2009 and our second baby boy in 2012. Doug and I both turned 30 here. Doug's 30th birthday party was the best surprise party ever. Still have wonderful memories of that night! Both Christening parties were here. All of James' birthday parties were here. Every Christmas as a married couple was celebrated here. So many wonderful memories filled the main room.

I walked into the kitchen and absent-mindedly opened a drawer and even though it was empty, I could still see into it. I could see the contents of it so clearly. I could see the photos on the fridge and I could see James playing on the floor with pots and pans. I remember being at the stove - holding James in one arm and making oatmeal with the other right after he was born. I can remember getting two very sad and life changing phone calls in this room as well - one for Mommom and one for Nana.

I kept walking through and checking drawers and closets - and then I walked into Cillian's old room and honestly I was overwhelmed by the silence here. I remember rocking and rocking and rocking him here. I remember just holding him and trying to soothe him while he was in a bout of tears. I could remember hearing the noise from upstairs and just whispering to him, "It's okay baby - it'll be over soon."  I could vividly remember lying in his rocking chair the night after his surgery. I left his room and went into James' old room - the empty room was filled with so many memories I felt like I couldn't breathe. This is the room in which I cried. I sad goodbye to the condo here. I didn't think I would cry but I did a little. I think it was here because I really 'learned to become' a Mom in this room. This is where I fed James, sang to James, rocked James.

Before I left, I said goodbye out loud I think. Which looking back is kind of funny. "Goodbye Condo!" It's like "Goodnight Moon! Goodnight Nobody!" As I walked down the hallway, it was very freeing to not have the keys with me. I could smell food cooking from someone else's condo and I could hear two neighbors talking and the other dogs at the end of the hallway barking. Then I will never forget this, the sadness was replaced by this strong urge to get home. I just wanted to get out of the city and back home. I drove to get pizza from Bricks and hopped on the drive and got home as fast as I could. When I pulled into our alley and parked the car, I smiled so big at my boys - all together playing in the backyard. I literally couldn't get to them fast enough. It felt so good to get back home.

The condo was a great place for us to live but it was time to move forward. It was time to give the boys a yard and Doug space to create and build me space to raise my boys and cook and bake and write. All of us love to make stuff and explore and go on adventures - we all needed this home and we are all so thankful for it.